He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
