He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
