Fuck appropriateness.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
