Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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