We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
