Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
