I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
