She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
