you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
