Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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