She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
