i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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