The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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