worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
