You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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