Who did Billy Mays play for?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
