I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
