You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
