i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
