dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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