Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
tell me about the eggs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
