FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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