mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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