The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize