Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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