I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
