A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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