Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
