He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
