If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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