Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
