So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
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WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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