I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
