New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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