Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
