so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
