Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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