I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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