I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
