i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
