Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
