Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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