she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
