Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
