Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
