it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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