No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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