He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
