i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
