i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
