Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im holly from the hills drunk
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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