y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
