Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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