just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I wish my penis had an off switch
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
