I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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