well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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