new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
