ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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