doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
