She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
