my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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