theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
