Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
