you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
