I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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