Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
