He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
