Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
