Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
