im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
