i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize