remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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