Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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