we have pet lesbian snakes
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
