She is in my trunk
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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