HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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