dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
