I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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