he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
