I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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