smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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