Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
