Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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