I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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