i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
