what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
