i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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