Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
