took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
